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My Free Birth Story

Talofa lava beautiful peeps! Thankyou for being here.

I am feeling deeply ready and excited to share my free birth story here in this space. My son is now 3 years old so I have been holding this story close to me for awhile now and I’m truly feeling like it’s time to share

I see so many women rising up in empowerment and collective awakening.

A massive part of regaining our sovereignty as women starts with birth and how we are bringing our children into this world.

I hope that by sharing this story it gives a sense of empowerment, faith and inspiration for women transitioning into this beautiful rite of passage, motherhood.

I had given birth to my daughter when I was 21, Almost 2 years previous to my free birth with my son. I had a beautiful natural water birth with her at the public hospital in Christchurch NZ. Although I was happy with how my first birth went, there were still factors of control in which I didn’t align with fully.

When my daughter was about 10 months old we moved to Australia from New Zealand. This was such a beautiful expanding experience for me, I’d say a spiritual awakening-or a chance to really dive deep & connect with my own innate wisdom.

It was only about 4 months into our journey of living in Australia that I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. So many mixed feelings and emotions as it wasn’t planned.

Naturally I started to look for midwives and birth support. I made a few phone calls and did some research. I was quite shocked at how different the birth and health care systems were set up in Australia compared to New Zealand.

Let’s just say we are VERY lucky in New Zealand where we are able to have consistent care from one midwife that is fully funded.

In Australia it would have cost me around $5000 for a midwife service like in NZ. At the time it wasn't a financial option for me.

The other option was to go through the public health care system which wasn’t aligned with a lot of my beliefs either.

Although I had a moment of WTF am I going to do, I was also excited about the expansive possibilities that were opening up.

I started to research home birth & free birth.

It was then that I had discovered doula services. A doula is a women that supports you emotionally, mentally & physically throughout pregnancy and post natal, who usually isn’t medically trained.

It felt deeply aligned with my heart. I felt so empowered and passionate about birthing my baby naturally and freely on my own terms. I felt grateful that I was able to have support from a doula.

I knew deep down that I was being guided on this path and I had surrendered in complete trust.

After reaching out to a couple of people I connnected with a doula who lived close by. She was amazing! We had such a beautiful connection and had alot of the same beliefs when it came to birth and pregnancy support.

It was so magical to have that support whilst pregnant. She would make me food, give me massages, guide me through meditations and healings & take me on nature hikes. She also took me to some sacred birthing sites in our area of Australia that we lived by. She taught me about natural herbs, how to nourish myself and things I should know about my baby and natural birthing.

I had only just moved to Australia at that time. I didn’t have any other family of my own or close friends around, so it was really special to have maternal support such as my doula.

I believe women are meant to be supported and surrounded by other women in birth and post natal. The nuture and care we can offer each other is truly vital to a women transitioning into motherhood. Just look at our ancestors, birth has always been sacred womens work. (Also acknowledging the important role of the father or womens partner in holding divine masculine space to!)

Throughout my pregnancy I never visited a doctor or had any scans so I didn’t know the sex of my baby. This was a conscious decision as I had done a lot of research about the ultra sound and the radiation that can cause harm to the baby. I really didn't feel any need to go to the doctor. I felt healthy and I trusted my baby and body.

I believe that birth has turned into a medical emergency in this patriarchal western system. They take all the power and induce fear into the mind and spirit of mothers. (Not all the time but it is the basis foundation of this system) I wasn't having any part of it!

I would see my doula once a month and more often at the end of my pregnancy as I got further along. My pregnancy was spent mostly at the beach, rivers and nature in the peak of Australian summer. I went to women's circles and gatherings and was tapping into a really deep spiritual connection with myself.

I remember feeling like a golden radiant goddess who wore a bikini top & sarong all day long. It was truly such a magical pregnancy, I felt healthy, strong and connected to my baby.

I filled my mind with positive birth affirmations, I stuck them all over my bedroom wall. I would listen to positive home birth stories and my doula suggested this amazing documentary called ‘Birth into Being’ by Nicole Moore. This absolutely shifted my whole paradigm on being a woman! I highly suggest watching this doco!

About 4-5 days leading up to the day of birth I was already 3-4cm dilated. I had been having cramps and lots of lower back pain. There was a couple times that I thought that I was going into labour.

It all seemed to be happening quite slowly- until the moment came that I knew I was definitely in labour and then it all happened so fast!

I woke up about 2am on the 12th Jan 2018.

I knew that it was time.

I was having strong contractions, they came on fast and hard!

I went to the bathroom and rang my doula to come over.

My partner woke and I told him to start running the bath, it was a big spa bath so I knew it would take some time to full. Such exciting energy between us knowing our baby was about to be born!

He was so amazing throughout my pregnancy and birth, he trusted my intuition. He was fully ready to hold space for me in bringing our baby into the world together with complete trust.

My daughter woke up from my groans and moaning as I was in the depths & surges of my contractions.

The pain and opening of the cervix at this stage of labour brings on such a deep primal voice activation.

I was still very much breastfeeding my daughter at this stage.

She was feeling frightened and wanted to have a boob.

Yall should have seen the sight! I shit you not- I’m on all fours howling to the moon in deep labour while my almost 2 year old lies underneath me breastfeeding!

Wild women mama bear!

My partner took our daughter to the other room where his family were.

I managed to crawl out of our ranch slider door that led onto the deck outside. It was such a beautiful warm evening, I remember the stars shining so bright.

(We lived at the top of a hill surrounded by nature. The deck overlooked the whole town while we were nestled away in the hillside. We had rainbow parrots flying through the trees everyday and the choir of the kookaburra would wake us most mornings.)

At this stage I was deep in labour, I remember such a powerful energy surging through my whole body, I had to surrender to it and let it guide me, completely trusting my body and what it wanted to do.

I was on all fours, with my hips and knees spread down and wide. This seemed to be the natural position my body wanted to be in. It makes sense when you think about using the natural pull of gravity to birth your baby.

My nana once told me that when she gave birth to my mum she was forced to lie on her back and keep her feet in the stirrups. She told me the nurse smacked her when she tried to get up! Crazy shit man.

Anyways so here I am outside on the deck under the stars in labour feeling the massive surge of energy coming through me. My doula finally arrives, she makes a very calm entrance gently letting me know she had arrived. She sits beside me quietly holding space.

I latch on to her body squeezing her so hard, the poor thing she is so tiny!

I just felt like I needed someone to really hold me physically and be in the waves of contractions with me.

I remember feeling such a heaviness & tightness in my lower back and telling her that I felt like I needed to poo. She assured me this was a good sign and that he must be really close.

We both knew that baby was coming earthside any minute. We started calling out to my partner to come outside so he could deliver baby.

He was still inside filling up the bath and getting things organised and couldn't hear us calling. It felt like forever we were calling to him, I thought he was going to miss it!

I had a deep urge to push, I was on my hands and knees with my doula sitting beside me. Finally my partner and daughter made it outside just in time as I prepared to push and at that moment I felt my waters brake.

At this stage im right in the thick of birth The only way I can describe it is like a massive wave of energy coming through and it’s the hardest your body has ever worked using every ounce of energy and mana you have.

They were all encouraging me so lovingly and told me they could see his head. ARGH talk about the ring of fucking fire!

At this point no one knew if it was a boy or a girl as I didn’t receive any scans. I clearly remember saying “he’s coming, he’s coming!” intuitively I could just feel him and knew he was a boy- I did get the feeling throughout my pregnancy but at this point it was just pure knowing.

One big contraction and he was half way out, up to his belly button. I remember looking down through my legs and seeing him. I grabbed his hand and waited for the next contraction. Here I am with my new baby half way out my vag, I’m talking to him and welcoming him holding his hand. The feeling was surreal.

The next contraction came and in one final push he was out, his dad catching him with our daughter right there watching.

I flipped over and my partner handed me our baby. He came and sat behind me so I could lay back on him while holding our son.

I remember his eyes closed, no crying- he was so peaceful. It’s like he slept through the whole dam thing! He was born at 3.09am, only an hour after I had first woken up that morning.

All the waiting and wondering for 9 months, all the telepathic communication and feeling him moving around in my body. In that moment I was finally able to see him and hold him in human form. The unconditional love that rips your heart out is insane!

We all sat out on the deck under the stars in awe of our new baby! I remember feeling hyper aware of my daughter and how she was feeling. I had some anxiety leading up about not wanting her to feel pushed out. That was definitely a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me in my transition to motherhood to two children. My daughter was still my baby girl and we had such a close relationship being just us. She adjusted really well, my partner stepped up a lot which helped heaps.

My doula encouraged me to birth my placenta which I had totally forgot about whilst being blissed out in my new baby bubble.

About 20 minutes later I birthed the placenta while my partner held me up and supported me from behind. He was encouraging me to swirl and spiral my hips. I remember birthing the placenta was quite painful, everything was so tender.

I was in total awe of the placenta, honouring and acknowledging its beauty and role.

We wrapped the placenta in a cloth bag as I had chosen to have a lotus birth. This is when you keep the placenta attached to baby and don't cut the cord. I had done so much research on this topic whilst pregnant and the benefits for baby were just undeniable. The placenta grows with your baby in the womb, it is their life force. It was important for me to be able to have a gentle slow transition of detachment to this magical organ. And to allow for maximum nutrient absorbtion, which last days after baby is born.

I carried my new baby Zion Kahu into the bath that my partner had run earlier (Picture at the top).

We were planning on having a water birth but didnt quite make it to the bath in time. It felt so nice and soothing to sit in the hot bath and let everything soak and relax.

My doula made me a smoothie with a few lopes from my placenta in it (the benefits of ingesting the placenta after birth for mothers are massive) She also made me a tincture from the placenta that was ready for me to use around 4 weeks later.

We covered the placenta in fragrant dried herbs like lavendar & rose before wrapping it up in a beautiful red silk bag that my doula had gifted me.

I remember the rest of that morning and day was spent in bed with my new baby indulging in the sweet familiar taste of motherhood. He latched on the breast so beautifully and with such ease. It was such a relief as I had so much trouble breastfeeding with my daughter. I had cracked, bleeding nipples & lots of tears. It took me 6 weeks to finally get her latched correctly. It was not an easy ride, but with persistence and support we got there.

As the days went on it truly felt like a whole other initiation as a mother. I carried Zion everywhere in a sling. I was adjusting to my new body, the pain of afterbirth, bleeding, breastfeeding and all the emotions that arise as well. It is such a tender time that needs to be honoured. I feel lucky that I had support around me.

The mother needs to be nurtured and be able to drop deep into her fourth trimester. It is a crucial time for emotional and mental health for mothers. She needs to be held, supported and cared for so she has the space to establish a strong bond with her baby. (Lots of skin on skin, eyegazing and breastfeeding)

I reflect back now and I bled for about 4-6 weeks afterwards (which is pretty standard for women after giving birth.)

I healed fast. I had no tears or any complications, it all went so perfectly.

My doula had introduced me to yoni steaming as a way to help heal post partum. Now I swear by steaming, it has become a big part of my life and self care ritual.

We had the placenta connected to him for about 8 days before we cut the cord ourselves. It dried up and became like a piece of wire and was getting difficult to carry him around with. It felt like a relief to have it cut off at that stage because I was able to hold him close comfortably. It stayed in the freezer for a few months before we did a proper burial ceremony for it.

For the first few months when he was born I did a technique called ’Elimination Communication’.

I had discovered this technique when my daughter was 7 months old and it went really well. What this means is that they don’t wear nappies at all. It‘s about tuning into your baby and his natural cues that indicate when they need to go for a wee or poo. When you pick up on the cue the idea is you hold your baby over a potty or toilet and they will go. This a beautiful journey but also at times challenging. It took a lot of commitment, patience and faith at the start.

We had a lot of small disposable blanket pads that he would sleep on at night so he didn’t wet the bed. We we’re quite successful with this and got really good at reading his cues. We also then introduced cloth nappies for night time.

Zion is now 3 years old and as I reflect on our birth story I feel a sense of passion ignited for the sacred act of birth. I am grateful to have had such an empowering experience as I know it can be the complete opposite for some women.

I trust that this story will reach those that it needs to and can inspire in some way.

Thankyou so much for reading!



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